Ask deacon mike

From time to time I receive a letter from someone who is seemingly at wits end for one reason or another. I would like to share with you part of a letter I recently received from an individual who found themselves in a situation of spiritual crisis where this person just wanted to leave this life. I am writing about this primarily to respond to the questions this person poses. However, I also want to use this opportunity as a “teaching moment” because regardless of the individual circumstances, I think nearly all of us find ourselves at this point of critical doubt sometime in our lives.

As a young person the writer was very close to the Church: I grew up in the Catholic Church and the faith was in my heart from a very young age. My priest in my childhood was a very influential mentor to me. I served as an Altar server at our parish. I was always proud to serve the Lord and the people of that parish.

As is often the case the subject went off to college, met someone and fell in love and decided to marry. However the fiancé was not Catholic but did attend a “bible church” as a child. The fiancé’s family did not care for Catholics so this couple decided to marry in a neutral church to keep from upsetting either family. Eventually our writer became disengaged from God and the Catholic Church. After about six years the marriage, too, disintegrated with the spouse filing for divorce.

Our writer initially felt relief that this stressful relationship and breakup had ended. But I could not have been more wrong. My life turned upside down. I felt I was heading for the end. I wanted to leave this life. I tried to repair my damaged marriage…but with no success. Since that time I have been an extremely depressed and lonely person.

As we all know, regardless of our situation, life goes on. And so it did for this person: I believe that God came to me and wanted me to take a different path, a path back to Him. I can’t change the past. I can only look ahead. I have been attending weekly Mass for two years. I know the Catholic Church does not approve of divorce. What are my options? Can I ever marry in the Catholic Church again? I need to resolve this with the Catholic Church since this is the faith where my heart is. Where do I begin?

To the writer of this letter let me first of all state that you have already begun. You looked at your life, realized your dissatisfaction with the way things have turned out, tried to repair what was broken and most importantly heard the gentle voice of God calling you back to Him. Your journey starts here. It is imperative for you (and all of us) to maintain your relationship with God. In the end, who else is there for us to fall back on, to carry us when we can no longer proceed on our own?

The writer also asked about reception of Holy Communion. God does not want us to be outside of His family. The Eucharist is the gift Jesus gave us to signify our union with God and the Church. However, if we are outside of the family of God we must become reconciled before we return. Even though you were married “outside the Church” the Church still recognizes the marriage as legitimate. Even though you are divorced, the Church still considers you as married. You are barred from Communion because you chose to marry “outside of the Church”. You must make a good Confession to a priest and seek forgiveness and absolution. Then you can come back to the Eucharist. As long as you do not remarry before having your marriage annulled you may receive Communion. Should you remarry before obtaining the annulment you would then excommunicate yourself from the Church.

The Church does not advocate divorce. However, there are some instances where a marriage should not have happened. The responsibility for your marriage rests solely upon you and your spouse. Sit down with a priest or deacon and explore the possibility for filing an annulment. Do not wait to do this. The priest or deacon will guide you through the process and answer any questions you may have.

I am very much reminded of the story of the prodigal son. In situations that seems to us to be hopeless God always finds a way to call us home. We just need to be humble enough to realize we cannot live contrary to God’s design for us and make it on our own. As the father loved his son and welcomed him back regardless of how he offended his father, God has done the same for this person who wrote to me.

If you have questions you would like for me to address concerning the Church, sacraments or other matters of faith please contact me. You can send a message to the rectory addressed to me, drop your question in the Sunday collection basket or send me an e-mail at deaconmikefranks@comcast.net. I will keep your identity anonymous regardless of how you contact me. God bless and I love you all. Deacon Mike Franks.