Ask deacon mike

For those of us who go back a few years we remember announcements in our church bulletins or by the priest from the pulpit concerning the upcoming marriage of so and so. These were called the Marriage Banns. I received a note from a parishioner asking why we do not publish these banns any more. The inquirer noted that it is still done in some places. The publication of Marriage Banns originated in the 12^th century in France. The purpose of announcing the upcoming marriage was to help the priest determine if there were any impediments which might render the marriage illicit (prevent the sacramental nature of the marriage). The Marriage Banns were never intended to be a social announcement of an upcoming marriage. It was quite common at that time for marriages to be “arranged” between families as a way to improve business ties or for political purposes. The Church’s view of marriage has always been that it is a public act entered into willingly with no outside influences. To check the increase of clandestine marriages, the council of Trent decreed that before the celebration of any marriage the names of the contracting parties should be announced publicly in the church during Mass by their own parish priest on three consecutive Sundays. Nowadays, the decision to publish Marriage Banns is left to the individual bishop of a diocese. In the United States this practice has been eliminated because of the advanced methods of preparing couples for marriage and the decline of arranged marriages.

I received another letter from someone concerning prayer. I think this is something we all experience from time to time. The writer wonders if the Lord has lost His hearing as it seems our prayers are not being heard. As a result, this person asks why bother to pray. Jesus tells us to pray always and assures us that God does hear our prayers. However, we must remember that God decides, not us, if what we pray for is what we really need or if it is what God really wants for us. When we say the Our Father we pray these words: Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done. Jesus did not tell us to pray our will be done. If we truly believe that Jesus is the Son of God then we must also accept that this is how we are to pray to the Father. The Kingdom we anticipate is God’s Kingdom, not ours. The will that we pray be done is God’s will, not ours. We should always pray and trust that God will give us what we need. What we think we need may not always be what God thinks we need. Again, we must trust God to provide for us. If we do, God will reward our faith by providing our needs. It may not always be what we pray for but we should always be willing to accept what God gives us. If we pray for better health that may not be what God wants for us. Often times we grow closer to God when we suffer. That does not mean that God wants us to suffer. But God does want us to draw closer to Him. If your suffering brings you closer to God then that is a gift. We should never stop praying. We should never stop trusting God to be with us and provide our needs. When we pray we must thank God for all that we have been given, especially our life and the salvation that Jesus brings. From this we will then praise God for his greatness and love and mercy.

Finally, I received a note from someone asking: Why did God, in all His wisdom, not include a commandment for parents to act in a way that would earn the respect of their children? Obviously this person is thinking about the commandment to honor our mothers and fathers. Unfortunately, some people are not good parents. They are not able or willing to provide both the material and emotional needs of their children. As a result, these children grow to be adults who feel that something is missing from their lives. The pain they experienced as a child that may have stemmed from the neglect or abuse of their parent scars them for life. Implicit in the commandment to honor our parents is the notion that parents raise their children in an honorable way. There is another commandment that says we must never worship false gods. The parent that does not raise their child in an honorable way is putting themselves before God. Honoring God means we do the things that God requires of us in what ever vocation we have been given in life. God will hold each of us accountable for how we live our lives and how we carry out the responsibilities He has given us.

As always I want to thank everyone who sent questions to me. I do try to answer them as quickly as possible. Sometimes I receive questions that I do not feel are appropriate for publication. That does not mean that the questions do not deserve an answer. I have received quite a few questions over the past year that I wish I could have answered but only on a one-on-one basis. If you have an unanswered question that may fall into this category and you still want a reply, please try to find a way so that I can answer you. I keep everything anonymous. However, in some cases that may not be possible. Questions of this nature will never be published therefore no identity will be revealed. As a member of the clergy I can promise you that anything you tell me, even your identity, will never be revealed.

As always, thanks to those who sent in questions. As we move into November we bring our focus to thanking God for His many blessings to us. Please know that you are a great blessing to me. I love you all. Deacon Mike.